Category Archives: Late Night Rant

Wind Mobile Commercial Reveals Faults with Society

You know how sometimes you’re just watching your favourite show (Mad Men, Sherlock, The Flash, etc.) and suddenly a commercial appears that has the abnormal ability to both interest you and at the same time make you want to shove your head into an active blender?

That’s this Wind Mobile commercial, which you may also have seen on the big screen at movie theatres: 

I have so many issues with this ad. But before I get into that, let’s look at a couple of the good things. You know, like a good news-bad news situation. 

Good Thing 1: 

The song itself is catchy. It’s probably the first thing that really strikes a chord to peak your interest when this thing appears on your tv screen. It has a childish, cute and somewhat silly vibe to it, which fits the commercial perfectly, seeing as how it’s about a family and their adorable little girl.

I mean, just look at those leopard print leggings. D’aww.

Good Thing 2:

The shots of the landscape are gorgeous. Picturesque mountains on a beautiful, slightly cloudy day, with not another car on the road and even a silver lake making a brief appearance in the lower right part of the screen.

This screams fresh air and nature. I just want to inhale deeply every time I see these breathtaking shots and imagine myself climbing to the top of one of those enormous mountains; eventually locating a special flower which I take to a secret ninja training–

Oh wait. Did I just get into Batman again? My bad.

Point is, these images make me think of good things. Thumbs up for that.

So there you have it. The two good things I could find in this commercial. And neither of them had anything to do with the actual product they’re trying to sell. Cool. 

Moving on…

Bad Thing 1:

Dude put his phone down right on the console where his kid could easily reach it. And he even left the screen on/unlocked for her viewing pleasure!

You should know better as a parent in 2014.

Bad Thing 2:

This goes right back to one of the things I actually liked about this crappy ad. There is a ten million dollar view right outside this girl’s window and what does she do? She jacks her dad’s phone and starts playing with it!

Look, kid, I know you’re not old enough to appreciate it yet, but there is a world out there that people would pay money to see! Snow capped mountains and silver lakes! 

To make it worse, the dang commercial keeps cutting back to these brilliant shots as if to taunt us. It’s basically saying, “Here’s what you should be looking at, it’s beautiful, isn’t it? Yeah … Well, here’s a dumb kid with her head glued to a piece of technology… And see the beauty? See the kid?”

Gah! It drives me nuts!

And it’s pretty obvious this girl knows how to Snapchat with the way she’s using this phone, so at the very least there’s no excuse for her not even snapping a few pics of the great outdoors.

The only thing that would make me appreciate this commercial would be if they were actually doing the back and forth shots of the scenery and the girl using technology on purpose, as a sort of social commentary about how we as as a society need to stop being so wrapped up in our devices and take a look at our gorgeous planet every once in a while.

Wouldn’t that be a great message?

Yeah. And then you remember: this company is trying to sell phones. 

Bad Thing 3:

The level of narcissism in this commercial is almost tangible. Like, I feel as if I could pick up that little girl, wring her out and produce quantifiable amounts of narcissist-juice from her tiny body.

Just look at what she does for the entire commercial! At no point is she likable except at the very beginning when you see her leopard print leggings (I like leopards) and little braids and admit that she’s pretty damn cute.

Then what happens?

In order: a) she steals her dad’s phone b) sends a picture of a bike to someone somehow c) dresses up in a couple different accessories and takes selfies d) changes her dad’s relationship status on Facebook to “it’s complicated” e) gives her mom a look that’s so full of sass it makes me want to snap my fingers and let out a snark, “You tell her, girlfriend!”

You see the problematic pattern here?

This girl cares for nothing but herself! And technology, it appears, is a big part of that. What a great notion to throw out there when the product you’re selling is that piece of technology.

“Come buy one of our newest cell phones! It’ll instantly turn your young daughter in a self-absorbed diva who will want to do nothing but take pictures of herself, make fun of you on social media sites and piss off your wife by changing your relationship status on Facebook that really shouldn’t have that much of an impact on your relationship anyhow because YOU’RE ALREADY MARRIED AND HAVE A KID! … By the way, we’re having a sale.”

This ad lays out for us in a painfully blunt manner how horrifying it can be to watch our youngest generations become manipulated and obsessed with technology from a distance. It gives me the creeps. 

At least when some new type of tech came out back in the 70s we’d get kids and adults alike walking around and talking into a walkie-talkie or something and saying, “Beam me up, Scottie!” on a consistent basis.

Bad Thing 4:

That mom gets really, really displeased the moment she sees that her husband apparently changed his relationship status to “it’s complicated” on Facebook.

Okay, lady, hang on a second. You’re with him right now. He’s driving. There is no way in heck he could’ve changed his damn Facebook status while driving unless he’s some sort of mutant with the ability to talk to technology like the kid from Heroes!

And since he’s not nearly that cool and resides only as a lifeless character in a 60 second ad, I’m going to say that the chance of him having that ability is a big fat zero. Which means that you can calm the fluff down and think about the situation for a moment.

That’s the first thing. 

Secondly. why has she apparently invested so much of herself into this status? The assumption here is that she’s married to this guy and has even gone so far as to have a kid with him (point of no return, woman!), so why would she still have a Facebook relationship status with him in the first place and, more importantly, why does it matter when she has already made some sort of solid connection with him in the real world that is unquestionably worth more than a line of text on a popular website?

This woman has all the makings of a loose canon. She could explode at any moment! Imagine if she hadn’t discovered it was her daughter pulling a prank? Did you see the look of confused terror that popped onto her husband’s face when she asked him the question? He probably thought she was gonna yank on the steering wheel and drive them off-road straight into that lake!

I’m praying for you, brother.

So that’s my take away from this commercial by Wind Mobile. Needless to say, it has not made me want to buy a cell phone from them. It has also caused me to worry about the notion of having kids and imprinting a confirmation of my relationship status on Facebook.

On the other hand, it has made me want to go for a drive somewhere beautiful. But since I’m away at school and don’t have a car at the moment, it loses points for causing me to have feelings I can’t satisfy. 

Jerks.

Anywho, that’s about it for tonight’s rant. I haven’t done one in a long while and this commercial has been appearing often enough that it’s forced me to take fingers-to-keys and write something, even if it is during exam season.

Hope your nights and days are prodigious. Stay frosty.

Late Night Rant: Rebecca Black’s “Saturday”

Hey, what’s up everybody?! It’s exam season again (ugh) and so of course this means that everything remotely interesting in life seems to happen around now to try and deter me from my path of learning. 

Today, that something happened to be none other than Rebecca Black’s new music video, “Saturday”. Otherwise known as BAHAHAHAHA.

I’m dedicating tonight’s entire rant to this because it deserves it. It really does. There’s just so much to destr-, I mean talk about!

Yeah, talk about.

So, if you haven’t seen the video, I’ve so very nicely put it below so that you may watch it in its entirety before we begin. 

Made it to the end? Good.

Let’s begin.

Right when the first words were spoken, “Oh my god, I love this song! This is my jam!”, I knew this was gonna be bad. She still sounds like a smurf trapped in a 16-year old’s body.

So then I immediately had to pause the video 15 seconds in because I couldn’t stop laughing at the line, “Trying to get Friday outta my head”. I mean, really?

We’ve all been trying to forget, Rebecca. You’ve understood only too late. 

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FRIDAYS THERE ARE?!

A lot.

There are a ton of references to Friday in this music video. There’s that line about Friday that’s most obvious, but also there’s a scene involving her waking up at a certain time, one involving cereal that has the words, “Gotta have my bowl” written on the actual bowl, one involving her riding in a car with the friends she paid for to be in the video and even one in which she and her friends do some more ridiculous hand gestures.

Don’t remember what I’m talking about? 

Here’s the video to “Friday”.

See? Yeah.

I find it hilarious that right after she wakes up and complains about how it’s 2PM and that she’s trying to remember/forget what happened at the last party, her friends are already back at it and partying in the first cutaway scene.

Niiiiiiice.

Also, does anyone know why they bother driving around to different places? They go to the beach but never actually go in the water and then they randomly go to a skate park because, hell yeah, skater guys are hot.

Right?

I guess that sort of thing is cool when you’re 16. Or 17. Or … How old is this girl anyway?

Rebecca does a bang up job of phoning her dude-friend and telling him to get his butt over to the skate park that he in no way could’ve known they were at. 

Shoulda showed up earlier. What a jerk.

OH WAIT.

He has a legit reason for not showing up to the random skate park: he lost his pants. 

You know, the only reason I can even think of having a guy pants-less for a 2 second shot is to get more girls to watch. But, like, they can get more skin than that watching Justin Bieber’s Instagram videos so … Who knows.

There is an extensive use of sunglasses in a couple scenes as well. And not one of them had to do with CSI Miami, which means that in Josh’s book, they were failures. 

She even wears them inside when she finally arrives at the house where the party’s at. I can only assume it’s because it’s extremely bright in hell. 

There is one redeemable shot in this entire video, though. And that is of Kaleb Nation (an idol of mine), who makes a cameo appearance when Rebecca walks back into the hell-house. He’s the guy with the weird expression on his face on the left-hand side of the screen, next to the girl who looks like she’s from Desperate House-Teens. 

I was really surprised Rebecca even decided to take off the sunglasses while inside at all. I mean, the Christmas lights at the back of the room that were the only clear light source other than the back lightning for the video were sooooo bright. 

Sigh.

The party seems to take place at two locations. In the hell-house and on the beach. 

These kids are everywhere! Do their mothers know where they are? Or are they all pulling Miley Cyrus’ and telling the adults that they are too old for child stuff like skate par- Oops. 

Maybe they just hate Disney?

During the party scenes, there are way too many weird things not to take notice of. But a few would be: the cream-face attacks, Rebecca riding a stuff dinosaur in the middle of the party, and a stoned-looking dude staring right at the camera like, “Duuuuude, we’re getting filmed? Sweeeeeet”.

And to top it all off, they have their own homage to Miley Cyrus right smack dab in the middle of the vid, with a girl who’s dressed in a similar fashion standing in the center of the party and twerking her little butt off. 

I hope that’s not there to try and keep the guys’ interest peaked, because we’ve all seen “Wrecking Ball” and I can never look at a sledgehammer the same way again …

HOLD UP! THERE’S A SILLY STRING FIGHT?! 

Gouda try, Rebecca, but that’s just cheesy. 

Is it just me, or does Rebecca look much different in this video than in her “Friday” debut? I mean sure, she’s older now and her hair style is changed in this one, but something just seems bizarrely different about her. I can’t quite place my tongue on it though. 

Did she gain weight? Has her face rounded out? Has her mere appearance grown so powerful that it induces the same effect as light over-intoxication?

Who knows.

The scene at the end of the video is kinda funny. I do have to give props to that. The guy runs in and starts screaming about Rebecca and everyone is just like, “WTF man?”. I’ll admit that I chuckled.

So that’s about it. Four minutes and eight seconds of pure facepalm. But at least she released it on an actual Saturday, so we know that she’s learning her days of the week. 

Logically, Sunday is the next one to take the fall. Prepare to see a lot more SUNglasses in that video and pray to whatever deity you will that she never actually gets to drive a car in one of these videos. 

That’s all for tonight, folks. 

Stay frosty.

Late Night Rant: Biebs, November 11th and ASDFMOVIE7

It’s been quite a while since I’ve done one of these.

Again.

University has a way of limiting your consistency with certain subjects. Oh, well! I’ve got one for you tonight, and that’s what matters! 

Right? 

I’ll take those crickets chirping as a yes.

Here’s what’s on tap tonight:

1. Biebs does Brazil

Anywho, let’s kick it off with our old friend (actually he’s the same age as me, which saddens me further), Justin Bieber, who’s done something new with his whacky celebrity life!

This time, Biebs travelled to Brazil and wound up on a video taken by some random girl who many believed (or should I say, BELIEBED?!) to be a prostitute. Bieber is sound asleep in the video and the girl turns the camera to herself and blows a kiss to the sleeping pop star. 

Fortunately for Bieber, the girl is not a prostitute; she’s just some girl who loves to take videos of people sleeping, apparently. 

But, of course, rumours surfaced that the two slept together and had intercourse, which Bieber is now denying and the girl is affirming. 

I really, truly find Bieber to be an outright idiot, who knows better but simply does stupid things anyway, albeit one who gives me a laugh every two to three days, but he also gets the short end of the stick a lot. 

He was just sleeping! And now he has to deal with a girl going around telling everyone she had coitus with him? C’mon. 

Sure, Bieber did a lot of other dumb things while in Brazil and probably should’ve thought about being in the same room with this girl at all before deciding to take a nap, but this whole thing has been overblown. Let’s leave the dude alone about this and hammer him for things he actually does that are vacuous. 

Like his singing.

2. Wreaths and Lights Now?

 

remembrance

Far more people than there should be begin doing Christmas stuff (this includes you, media!) before the date of November 11th. Personally, I find this a bit jerk-ish, since there’s lots and lots of time for Christmas stuff after that date.

Before the 11th, I’d rather see people wearing poppies and respecting our veterans. I realize this sounds a bit like your grade school teacher nagging at you, but hey, it’s a legitimate point and once people are forgoing carols for poppies every day before the 11th in November, I’ll stop. 

It’s important to recognize this sort of thing. Everyone would be appalled if you asked them if they are forgetting about the veterans and those who fought for us. Yet, at the same time, they could be carting home a blow-up Rudolph the size of Miley Cyrus’ ego. 

From November 12th to December 25th, go for it. I’m no Grinch. But let’s not forget about another day that’s equally as important, even if it’s not always presented that way in our daily lives.

3. ASDFMOVIE 7

I think you get it all from the title. THEY MADE ANOTHER ONE! 

Thank you, TomSka. 

If you enjoy the other 6, then you’ll love this one. There’s a good laugh to be had in every single one of these videos. If you haven’t seen the others, then do check them out. 

And with that plus hopefully a smile on your face, I take my leave of you.

Stay frosty.

Late Night Rant: Andrew Wiggins, Tom Clancy and

Why, hello there again! Pleasure to see you back here. I have no idea what you come for when you see me post one of these online, but I hope you get something out of it. 

Because I’m all about learning something new. Yep. Edu-macation. 

Anywho, here’s what’s on tap for tonight:

1. The High Flyin’ Canadian Baller, Andrew Wiggins, Takes Flight

If you are a basketball fan and you are Canadian, then this is something you simply cannot ignore. Andrew Wiggins finally hit the court the other day for an intra-squad match with the rest of his Kansas buddies that allowed for people to come and watch.

Of course, when one of the players participating has been heralded the next big thing in basketball ever since he was scouted in high school, then everyone is going to take notice. ESPN posted a highlight video of the kid’s night on YouTube, which I’ve so very nicely posted for you below. 

This is the first time I’ve seen highlights of Wiggins in a college level anything, so you can bet I was excited, being the hoops fanatic I am and Andrew didn’t disappoint. He made the entire game seem like a dunk contest with the way he flew to the rack at every chance he got, soaring above his teammates and throwing down jam after vicious jam. 

Wiggins looked comfortable and happy; a good sign of course. But the competition is teammates gave him didn’t seem to be enough as the young superstar seemed to be toying with them the entire game, never once having to actually take anything seriously. 

Now, I know this was just an intra-squad game (for those who don’t know, a scrimmage with his teammates), but you have to wonder when a team will come along that will actually make Wiggins sweat. 

My bet is on Kentucky this season, by the way.

Wiggins‘ first real game as a college player is October 29th.    

2. One of the Greatest Writers of our Generation dies in Tom Clancy

tom-clancy-640x360

If any of you have parents like my dad, then they’ve likely read at least one Tom Clancy book. The dude was a legend; he wrote a total of 28 books and was preparing to come out with number 29 when he died at the young age of 66. 

Clancy was an extremely popular spy/mystery novelist, who was also one of the richest authors in America. He was known for video games too, such as the classic, Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell. In one way or another, Clancy touched the lives of many people.

As a fellow writer, it saddens me to hear of one of the greats passing on, but I am very thankful for what he has done in terms of the writing community. He’s been the inspiration that got many writers into the craft and his mind was one of the best at creating spy-stories, which are seriously lacking these days. 

This sort of thing is what happens as you grow up; people older than you die. But it never makes it any less shocking. I wish all of the best for the Clancy family and anyone closely associated with him. 

He was a legend.

3. This Pug knows how to Rock

So I know the last thing was a little depressing. 

Thus, I’ve found one of my awesomely hilarious videos that I always love to put at the end of my late night posts. My friend, who consistently seems to find better viral videos than I, discovered this video and showed it to me.

If you enjoy cute things, dogs or even just a classic song, then watch this short video. I guarantee you’ll enjoy it or at least find it amusing in some regard. 

So without further ado, end your night/early morning with a smile!

That’s all I’ve got for you tonight, guys. 

Stay frosty.

Late Night Rant: Wrecking Ball, Autumn and HISHE

Hey, folks! Getting back into the swing of things with all my university courses (that’s code for, “I haven’t done many of these lately, please forgive me”) and now I’ve got another bit of late night fun for ya.  

Here’s what’s on tap tonight:

1. Miley Cyrus and her Wrecking Ball

I don’t know if you’ve seen it (let’s be real, you have), but Miley Cyrus just released a new music video for her song, “Wrecking Ball”, in which she ends up stripping down to her birthday suit and swinging around on an actual wrecking ball like it’s some kind of metallic stripper pole. 

She also “makes out” (if you can even call it that) with a sledgehammer during the vid. 

A freakin’ sledgehammer.

Now, I know all of the Smilers (what Miley calls her fans) out there are gonna go bananas and say, “You don’t even UNDERSTAND! She’s doing this to show what LIAM (Hemsworth) did to HER! He made her feel STRIPPED and ALONE and blah, blah, blah”.

Look, I get it. When famous people break up, particularly ones that were engaged, it’s a big deal. It’s a big deal to anyone, of course, but the fact that they’re famous magnifies it a lot. They can’t get out of the spotlight. 

But still.

Taylor Swift is the undisputed queen of breakup songs and music videos, and even she didn’t go to the lengths Miley did! 

Is it because Miley’s trying to get rid of the Hannah Montana tag? Is it because she’s always secretly wanted to be Lady Gaga (who, by the way, is going to have to turn herself inside-out now to outdo the naked-Miley thing)? 

No matter what the reason, it was a brilliant marketing move and at the same time a bad move for her image. Why? 

Brilliant because: her video EXPLODED when it hit the web and racked up views like no tomorrow. Views = money. 

Bad for her image because: she’s still got a TON of leftover Hannah Montana fans (Smilers) who are watching her every move and thinking that that is the ideal future for young girls such as themselves.

Let’s just end this by also remembering that Miley’s video caused this:

2. Autumn is here!

It’s my favourite season of the year! The leaves change hues, the air becomes crisp and I get to go home and eat all of the turkey I can shove into my belly. 

Seriously. Like, I’ve got special pants reserved for the point when the overload of turkey busts open a belt buckle or two. 

It’s a time of sweaters, cuddly-movies, hot chocolate and yet, still days that are warm enough for general outdoor activities; for me, it’s shooting hoops. 

Oh, and there’s my birthday. I guess that’s a factor. 

There’s just something about this season-of-transition that makes me happy and brings a smile to my face. 

Happy Autumn Snoopy

3. HISHE

If you’ve never seen these videos (How It Should Have Ended), then you, sir/madam, are missing out. They are cartoon versions of parts of movies that exploit flaws in the film and make general fun of the flick overall.

It’s always a good time. I haven’t seen one of them that I didn’t enjoy.

The latest one, which I’m posting below, is from the movie Pacific Rim. It’s a fabulous movie if you’re still thinking about trying to catch it; easily in the top five of the summer. 

And yet … This video just makes it that much more sweet. Generally, these vids are more entertaining if you’ve actually seen the movie they’re making fun of. But alas, I can’t make sure you watch everything that’s epic, now can I? 

That’s all for tonight, folks. Thanks for sticking with me.

Stay frosty.